When 2012 dawned, I was full of grand ideas and expectations. I decided that this was THE YEAR I would start fulfilling my potential and figure out what I'm supposed to be. But after about eight short weeks, I've realized I don't actually have a clue what I'm doing. I thought that once I threw my arms wide to the world and said "Okay God, I'm ready! Let's see what you have for me!", magical things would start happening immediately. Instead, I got overwhelmed and nothing happened. I tried and failed. I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Last week I thought too much about this and started to feel foolish. Like a poser. I don't want to be one of those people who makes big declarations, and friends just nod and smile because they know that nothing is going to change. But after "writing myself out" on the topic, I concluded that that feeling is nothing but pride. It's just me wanting my own kingdom, my own idea of success on my own timetable. But I'm not in charge, God is. He didn't need my permission to start the ball rolling on whatever He has planned for me. It's already in motion. Everything will happen in His timing, not mine, which probably means waiting and floundering for a lot longer than I'd like. But His goal isn't for me to look good. It's to make me more like His Son.
So I gave myself two freeing pieces of advice: 1. Get over yourself. 2. Pick yourself up and try again. It's that simple, but I have to re-learn it in new ways all the time. Maybe you do too.
(PS - Sorry for the lack of posts. I'll try to get back to more frequent, better-rounded content this week. Last week was a little crazy.)