Netgalley Review: Emotional Vampires At Work by Albert J. Bernstein

Netgalley is great for finding books that I might never have heard about or picked up otherwise. One such book is Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Drain You Dry by Albert J. Bernstein. I'm not really into businessy books, but when I noticed this in a new-releases e-mail, I decided to check it out. I'm so glad I did!

In this book, Bernstein describes several types of emotional vampires: Antisocials, Histrionics, Narcissists, Obsessive-Compulsives, and Paranoids. They're not simply "difficult people," but people with actual, untreated personality disorders. He explains how to handle and interact with them, and the work cultures they create, without getting burned. Emotional vampires are essentially children. They operate solely on an immature, "fast thinking," instinctual level, and their goal is to bring you down to that level. Therefore, you can outsmart them with "slow thinking," moving beyond your knee-jerk reactions to their behavior and consistently responding in a mature and logical way. Bernstein helps you work toward this by identifying what your primary workplace personality is: Rebel, Believer, or Competitor. Certain combinations of personalities and emotional vampires are more disastrous than others, and he shows you what to beware of in those situations.

I appreciated the author's constant refrain that emotional vampires are not bound by conscience or compassion, and don't respond to things as a healthy person does. They see other people as a "source of sustenance" and not much more. In relationships with them (especially in a work context), our energy should go toward protecting ourselves from them, not trying to fix them. If we don't shield ourselves, we're in danger of becoming "infected" too. As someone conditioned to help people and give them chance after chance, I found this advice freeing and reassuring. Emotional Vampires at Work clearly focuses on the work environment, but the descriptions and guidance are very helpful for all of life, because emotional vampires are everywhere. If you read this and don't identify anyone you know, count yourself blessed.

I recommend this book for everyone. It's not very long, and the knowledge you'll gain will be valuable at work and in your personal life. It'll be good to have on hand for reference.


Disclaimer: I received this book for free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I Must Become A Lion Hearted Girl

If you're not a Harry Potter nerd, or a personality test enthusiast, or are annoyed by people talking about fictional worlds as if they're real, you'll probably want to skip this post.

To everyone who remains: I finally joined Pottermore this week! Ever since I heard about it, I've looked forward to being officially Sorted. But when it finally opened to the public, I was a little nervous. I've always thought of myself as a Ravenclaw, but would JK Rowling agree? The anxiety!!

If you don't know anything about Pottermore, it allows you to interact with the Harry Potter series. It's a video game, really, but there's a lot more to it than that. So far, only the first book is available. You walk through the story as Harry, so first you go to Diagon Alley to get your school supplies, wand (elm with unicorn hair), and pet (a black cat to represent my Gandalf, of course). Along the way, you collect various things which I guess are valuable later in the game, and unlock cool information which I haven't gone back to read yet. Then you take the train to Hogwarts and get Sorted.

The Sorting is based on six or seven multiple choice questions, which I answered very thoughtfully (because, as JK says in the intro video, your Sorting cannot be changed). At the end, I was shocked to be GRYFFINDOR! A part of me was disappointed because I wanted Ravenclaw, plus we already know so much about Gryffindor and I was looking forward to more info about the other houses. But honestly, I felt empowered... to a slightly embarrassing degree. LOL. Although I feel more courageous than I used to, and want to be more so, I would never call bravery my defining characteristic. So I'm not sure I really ought to be in Gryffindor, but JK created this world and she can't make mistakes in it! Besides, it just proves how Hermione-ish I really am. She expected Ravenclaw too.

My friends are a pretty bookish group, but I wasn't the only one surprised. A few have gotten Hufflepuff and been bummed at first. There's definitely a presupposition among fans that Hufflepuffs aren't smart, so I think as more people are sorted, that will be disproved. The ones I know are all smarter than I am. :)

Anyway. HOUSE PRIDE YAY!

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PS - Please remember to vote for me in the MORE Magazine Beauty Search - and also for my friend Myla, who wrote a song as her entry! Everyone has been so encouraging and supportive about me entering this contest, and it means so much. Thank you all!

I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.

FYI: I've created an About Me page! In it, I mention in passing that I'm an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I want to expound on that a little bit.

I had never heard of the term Highly Sensitive Person until a couple of years ago, when an online friend posted a self-test. I love personality tests, so I took it just for kicks. To qualify as highly sensitive per the test, you need to score a 14. I was stunned when I scored a 21. Clearly this was something I should look into, so I checked out The Highly Sensitive Person from the library. By the end of the book, my world had been rocked.

Most people whom I've told about this have assumed that high sensitivity only refers to emotions. While I am emotionally sensitive, that's just one facet of HSP-ness. HSPs are neurologically more sensitive to (and sometimes bothered by) light, noise, textures, smells, etc. They're very aware of nontangible things, like the mood of a gathering. They're easily agitated by too much stimulation and overwhelmed by too many possibilities. They're unusually upset by violence. They tend to need more sleep than most people. When they're too busy or have too many demands on their plates, HSPs have a lot of trouble compartmentalizing. These are just a few examples of HSP traits. There are physical, emotional, and behavioral aspects.

As I learned about this, a million things from the whole course of my life suddenly made sense. I never thought that these random traits had anything to do with each other. They were just personal weirdnesses, weaknesses, that I needed to get over (which, as it turns out, is a textbook HSP response). Finding an explanation for why I am this way was so freeing to me. While I'm determined not to use it as a crutch or an excuse, it's helped me to avoid unnecessary stress and stop pushing myself too hard. I know now that if I get really stressed out in a situation where everyone else seems fine, it's not because I'm immature or weak. It's just because I'm HSP. So instead of beating myself up about it like I used to, I can take a deep breath and apply that energy toward the actual situation. It's made a huge difference in the way I approach problems.

If this sounds like you, take the test! If you're a parent and this sounds like your child, there's a separate test and book for Highly Sensitive kids. They'll provide information and tools for dealing with HSP-ness. Knowledge really is power in this case!