A Story

Today I want to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, in a riverside village in a faraway kingdom, lived a young woman. She was neither a princess nor a peasant, making a modest living as an assistant to the innkeeper. She had many friends, and together they enjoyed feasts and nights at the tavern. But her heart belonged to her good friend the town gunsmith. She waited patiently for him to return her feelings. At last he professed his love, and they married amid great joy and celebration. The young woman had every expectation that they would live happily ever after.

As the years passed, the gunsmith spent more and more of his days away from her, engaged in other pursuits. She tried to restore their closeness, but failed time and again. One spring day, the gunsmith informed her that he had taken up with a scullery maid. He proclaimed that he wished to be free for dalliance with this maid, and any other who caught his fancy, as he had never truly loved the young woman at all. Then he took his possessions and left their cottage.

The young woman was heartbroken. While she continued working at the inn and going through the motions of her life, she grieved for her lost love and lost dreams. At times, the support of her friends, and especially of the King (who loved her like a daughter despite her commonness), was all that sustained her. But, slowly, she grew accustomed to her new circumstances and began embracing life again. She redecorated her cottage, traveled around the kingdom, and enthusiastically supported the local jousting team. For many moons, these small joys were sufficient. But the day finally came when the young woman felt ready for companionship, to begin opening her heart to someone worthy of all she had to give.

Unfortunately, in the intervening years, things had changed dramatically in the kingdom. Before her marriage, the young woman had associated with a large group of unmarried men and women, who mingled and treated one another as friends. Now, most of her peers had spouses and families of their own, and the few unmarried men the young woman encountered did not behave as those she had known in her younger years. Her attempts to befriend men she found intriguing were fruitless – they kept their own counsel and did not desire her company.

When she could no longer endure the impression of wearing an Invisibility Cloak, she sought other means of acquaintance with eligible men. These means generally felt more like an interview for employment than a natural conversation between two people. Strangers developed swift attachments to her, demanding her attention and becoming impatient with her hesitance. None of them captured her heart. The young woman felt like a rabbit about to be caught in a huntsman's trap. Under such conditions, she could never grow to love another as she had loved the gunsmith. She perceived that these eager suitors did not truly care for her as an individual – how could they, when they did not truly know her? – but only saw her as a filler of the empty woman-shaped space in their lives. So she fled from them.

The young woman's hope and confidence were shaken. A few villagers frowned upon her actions, adding to her distress. Each day she poured out her concerns in a letter to the King, seeking his wisdom and guidance. The curse of her past weighed heavily on her, and she felt doomed to an unhappy choice between old maidenhood and unwanted affections. She wanted to be obedient to the King's wishes, but they were unclear. And she knew that even if the whole village united in an outcry against her, she could not be untrue to herself or to her dreams.

The King did not reply with advice, only with reassurance that he loved the young woman just as she was. He reminded her that she had an important role to play in the kingdom, even if no one worked alongside her. Though this comforted the young woman, she still felt a quiet, underlying despair. It was now clear to her that the King's direct intervention would be required if she was ever to take another husband. And who could know the plans of the King? Despite her renewed appreciation of her freedom, she still longed for a good man who would know her and care for her as the King did – someone who would capture her interest, and offer his friendship before seeking to capture her heart. Such a thing now seemed very unlikely, if not impossible.

So, the young woman determined to continue the work that the King had put to her hand. She would count her blessings – her friends, her home, the precious little ones who called her "aunt." She would not give in to loneliness or the temptation to yield to others' wishes. She would do the best she could, and trust in the King to provide what she needed to endure. Gathering up her skirts, she fixed her eyes on the horizon and headed out to her fields.

The rest of her story is still unwritten.

New Boots and Inspiration

Last weekend, I had an experience that's common for me. Armed with a $10 off certificate, I went to DSW with the goal of buying flat brown boots. They didn't have those Steve Madden boots I posted about a while back, but these classic Civico 10 boots were pretty much perfect... except for the price. I finally decided to go home and order them online to save as much as possible in coupon codes and Ebates. You can probably guess what happened. They didn't have my size online in the brown. They weren't for sale anywhere else. I was consumed with regret. So yesterday, I made another trip to DSW to buy the ones I had tried on. By then, it was less painful to spend the money. :P But the boots are real leather and will last forever, and I got a free quilted bag with purchase, which I can use as a laptop bag (something I've needed for a while). I'm excited to wear these with skinny jeans, dresses, and skirts!

The cats were determined to be part of the photo shoot. (I carried the mirror around the house trying to find a well-lit area....)

As long as I'm talking about shoes, these Steve Madden flip-flops were a total impulse buy a couple of months ago (also at DSW - I'm a very loyal customer), but I've worn them practically nonstop ever since. They're so cute and go with everything!

I'd shop less if I didn't get so many ideas. I have constant flashes of creative inspiration. This also goes for crafts, home decor, cooking, etc., but nowadays it manifests itself most often through fashion. I'll see something in a magazine, on a blog, or on someone I know, and instantly I know exactly what I want and how I want to adapt it. (I could probably cut back on magazines and blogs, but the ideas would still come.) The problem is, then I have to find it, and because I'm me, I want to find it as cheap as possible. It's a long, frustrating process, and usually, the longer I'm deterred, the more obsessed I get. If I had my mother's sewing abilities, I would design and make most of my clothes myself and avoid all the trouble. Sadly, sewing machines and I don't really get along. I think the style single-mindedness is inherited, though.


PS - the blog has a new look! Come check it out if you're viewing this in a reader. It's a free template from How Joyful Design and I'm really pleased with it!

30 Day Journal Challenge

30 Day Journal Challenge, a set on Flickr.

I finally finished the 30 Day Journal Challenge last night, having been several days behind almost the entire time. I'm very glad I participated in this. I'd never art journaled before, and sometimes it was a struggle, or I just felt silly. But after only a few days, I could feel an old door of creativity opening.

I was a wildly creative child. I doodled on everything and wrote stories constantly and didn't think about how "good" any of it was, or whether it lived up to certain standards. In fact, I was proud of it all and freely showed it to people. Creating was as natural to me as breathing. But when I grew up, I told myself I didn't have time to waste on producing mediocrity, especially when the world was already full of it. I eventually realized that my perfectionism was killing me (across the board, not just in this area). So I've been re-programming myself, and releasing my creative self a little at a time. Because I believe that God has plans for her; that I have to crawl before I can walk, and walk before I can run; and that it IS okay to write and draw and make things just for the enjoyment of it, without thought of usefulness or productiveness. I believe that since we're made in the image of the Creator, creating is an inescapable part of our nature. (Madeleine L'Engle has a lot of great things to say about this.) Everyone has their own art, and there are a million non-artsy ways to express our creativity, so I'm not saying those are any less valid than the traditional arts. I'm just saying I'm trying to get back in touch with those traditional things!

Anyway, this challenge was a good experience and I'd definitely do it again. In fact, I might look for another challenge or set of prompts to do in a few months! It was fun to see my friends' different takes on the same subject. I also made some new blog friends over the course of the month. :)

Thanks to the awesome Janel for putting this challenge together!

30 Day Journal Challenge

Throughout the month of June, I will be participating in the 30 Day Journal Challenge at Run With Scissors. I have a new blank book and a new pack of Papermate Flair pens ready to go. :) I've enjoyed being more creative in my thankfulness journal, so when a few friends told me they were doing this, I decided to get on board. I've never art journaled before, and I'm sure I'll miss a few days and have to make them up later. But embracing imperfection is one of my new life goals, after all.

Again, the challenge starts today, so it's not too late to join up if you're interested!

Crafty Weekend

I got to indulge my creative side this past weekend!


(me and Caroline)
I went to an outdoor painting party by my friend Hillary's business, Alla Prima (book your party today!). We painted an Italian-inspired scene. It was a refreshing and relaxing experience, the weather was perfect, and now I have fun original art to hang in my house.


I made a clock! This clock customizing idea from Real Simple has been in my inspiration binder for years. I've been in need of a timepiece in my home office, so I bought a $4 standard wall clock at Wal-Mart, painted the outside white, and covered it with scrapbook paper that matches the room's decor. I previously used the same paper to make coasters for the room, so my coordination-loving heart is totally satisfied. (I can post about making custom coasters if anyone is interested. It's really easy!)


Office with new chair (via Kirkland's) and new clock!
I also found the perfect bottles for my beach sand collection (from beaches I've visited). As usual, I had something very specific in mind and had been looking for over a year. These bottles are exactly what I wanted. I spent Sunday afternoon happily transferring sand from the old Tupperware containers to the new pretty, corked glass bottles. (I only got a little sand in my eye. :P) I'll post about that once I have them all labeled and displayed. Get excited!

Fashion News

One day at the end of last winter, when I had absolutely had it with cold and gloom, I saw a woman wearing a red peacoat in my work parking lot. The sight of that bright coat perked me up immediately, and I decided I had to have a red peacoat too. But by then, most coats were gone from stores, and I didn't want to spend a lot anyway. I looked for one at thrifts all summer, but no luck. Now I'm keeping my eyes open as this year's coats come in.

This weekend I was at Dillard's and saw what appeared to be the perfect red coat from across the store. I made a beeline for it. It was a Jessica Simpson...of course. Jessica Simpson makes coats? It had a huge collar and was a little overdramatic on me, but then I was very drawn to another coat. It wasn't red, but I tried it on too just for fun. It was a Steve Madden. Steve Madden makes coats? I had to laugh. My taste is nothing if not consistent.


In other news, I fell in love with this Lauren Moshi tee from the September issue of InStyle. It's not my usual style, but there's just something about it. After discovering that it costs $125 (there is no excuse for this. Seriously), I decided to get crafty. I found a three-quarter sleeve gray tissue tee on clearance at Target for $6. Then I asked my graphic designer brother if he could somehow cut out the bow graphic so I could print it onto iron-on paper. It didn't work (and probably would have been a violation of copyright anyway). So I'm still looking for a similar large, striped bow graphic. If anyone finds one, please send it my way.

A place to be free.

Last weekend I spruced up my "office" at home. More than ever, I want it to be a place that inspires and frees me to create stuff. I don't know what stuff, exactly, but I know I need to give my creativity room to breathe. For at least ten years, I've tried to limit it and label it and stuff it in a box, and whenever it escaped, I told it that it wasn't good enough and imprisoned it again.


But now I'm beginning to learn the art of not caring. I'm trying to remember what it was like when I was a kid, before my inner critic woke up. I drew things and made things, and most of all, I wrote with abandon, because it made me happy. There was no pressure to produce something that pleased everyone else.


So I'm going to start spending more time in my office, with my art supplies and scrapbook paper and inspiration book, and hopefully writing too, just for the joy of creating something. I don't know much about what I "should" be doing with my new life, but I do know that I need to take advantage of the quiet, because one way or another, it won't last forever. So I'm opening the gate and setting myself free. We'll see what develops.


I first read this quote back in May:

It's all been said better before. If I thought I had to say it better than anybody else, I'd never start. Better or worse is immaterial. The thing is that it has to be said; by me; ontologically. We each have to say it, to say it our own way. Not of our own will, but as it comes out through us. Good or bad, great or little; that isn't what human creation is about. It is that we have to try; to put it down in pigment, or words, or musical notations, or we die.
- Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet

Plan Ahead

I found this shell in 1999, on the beach in Gulf Shores, Alabama during a spring break trip. I was going through a rough period in my life - nothing compared to what I'm going through now, but everything is intense when you're 19. As I walked and prayed, this shell washed up practically at my feet. The cross shape in it was impossible to miss, and I took it as a reminder that God heard me and was with me. I've kept it displayed on my dresser ever since, and whenever I look at it, I remember His faithfulness.

I've been redecorating my bedroom and decided it was time to give the shell an artsier, safer home. So I made this shadowbox, complete with the verse that usually comes to mind (Psalms 139:7-10). I hadn't done anything crafty in a while and it felt great to create something. I'd never made a shadowbox before, but I knew enough to make sure the shell would fit under the glass. I tested it a few times - with the brads on the back extended because I didn't feel like bending them all back and forth an extra time. It fit, so I went crazy with the hot glue! When it was all dry I put the glass back on and tried to "close" the back. You guessed it...it won't close. Those extra few millimeters make all the difference. I can't move anything without ruining the display, so I don't know what to do now. Just throw a glassless frame around it? Bleah.